I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm like, not good at living.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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