hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
