We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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