You don't have asthma, your pregnant
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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