We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
