He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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