I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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