i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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