I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize