Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
