he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
