Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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