before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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