even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
