just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
