This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
