What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
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DIN'T JUSGE NE.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
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yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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