I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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