and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
