You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
