I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
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