I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize