he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
