so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Randomize
