I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
