I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
