I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
