Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
