There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
