i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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