Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
