Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
