i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
