I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize