I'm lost and stupid without you.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
