he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
