Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Just high enough for therapy.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
