Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
