First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
