THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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