I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
