this beer tastes like vomit already
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
