I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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