four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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