She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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