bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
