You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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