You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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