so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
she peed on how many people?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize