Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
