Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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