I bet he comes in French.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
