question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
