i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
It's rum buckets o'clock
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
