I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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