SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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