im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
