I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
